By Patricia Fontejon

There’s an intrinsic quality to mother-daughter relationships that is universally felt yet difficult to fully dissect. At first glance, the bond between a mother and her daughter might seem straightforward, rooted in love, patience, and nurturing care. It is supposed to be easy, but in reality, this relationship is often far more complex. Between many mothers and daughters, there is a constant pushing and pulling. 

Although conflicts between parents and children are common, often they are about more than hormones, control and petty anger, especially for mothers and daughters. The mother-daughter conflict often carries an emotional weight that makes it complicated. It can be broken down into three key factors: mothers and daughters as extensions of one another, social expectations, and generational trauma. 

One of the most significant influences on the mother-daughter relationship is what psychologists refer to as “the mother wound.” This term describes the emotional baggage that we are unconsciously given by our mother, often stemming from unresolved trauma.

As young women transition into adulthood and begin to live independently, the impact of the mother wound resonates especially deeply. Despite being youthful and optimistic, many find themselves grappling with feelings of never feeling good enough that derive from their relationship with their mothers. 

In many cases, children exude a natural sense of creativity and enthusiasm, often viewing the world through an optimistic lens. However external expectational pressures can lead to a significant emotional decline. Mothers at the same time are navigating their own unresolved issues and unfulfilled aspirations, and may inadvertently channel these ambitions onto their children. What initially feels like a supportive environment can quickly transform into a complex landscape filled with unmet expectations and misunderstandings.

As the child internalizes these pressures, she may start to lose her sense of self, morphing into a mirror of her parent’s desires. The pursuit of perfection, rather than fostering growth, can breed anxiety and overshadow the intrinsic joy of creative expression. Over time, the weight of continuous critique can erode confidence, leading to silence and withdrawal. Instead of celebrating their uniqueness, children might grapple with feelings of unworthiness, stifling their voices and diminishing the vibrancy that once defined their spirit. This cycle not only impacts their creativity but also disrupts their overall psychological well-being, entrenching them in a struggle between authentic self-expression and the expectations placed upon them.

The cycle can feel as though it suffocates potential and stifles growth, which leads to a profound sense of loss that becomes deeply ingrained within us. 

The mother-wound is very prominent in our culture. All one needs to do is go to the movies with films like “Ladybird” and “Everything, Everywhere all at Once” or scroll through social media to see young women struggling with the concept. 

In some ways, the mother wound is still prominent in our culture, evident in the media we consume and in our daily habits. To break this cycle, it’s important to muster open communication and encourage both sides of the relationship to explore their own identity. By prioritizing self-awareness and supporting authentic expression, we can create a positive environment for future generations.