The Plaid Press predicts the presidential future

Mount Rushmore

The Plaid Press offers a fictional glimpse into the future of America by considering what the world would be like if the most prominent candidates were elected president.

Donald Trump by Hope Su

Donald Trump has proven his critics wrong and has become a sensation of a president. Using his now infamous campaign tactic, Trump has garnered the

support of the nation by pointing out how a certain group of people are obviously the cause of America’s problems, the immigrants. Therefore, he has shown that the only logical solution is to get rid of immigrants. So, how do we get rid of immigrants? We send them back to their home countries. But what about the immigrants that we want to keep? They can stay.

On the campaign trail, in a January speech to Liberty University, Trump firmly stated that he believed he could “build a wall” between Mexico and the United States in order to put a full stop to unwanted immigration. Though as president, Trump has still never specifically stated how he plans on going through with the construction of the wall, citizens assume that his plan is still in its early stages and will be forthcoming.

Trump was one of the few self-funded candidates in the 2016 Presidential Election, and according to Forbes, he is worth $4 billion. It appears that the newly appointed President of the United States might even be able to finance the project himself. No other politician has ever proposed such a solution and that in itself is remarkable and makes him worthy of acclaim.

Additionally, Trump has an incredible eye for detail and has managed to see that the underprivileged in society are those suffering. It is no secret that the education system in America’s roughest neighborhoods is terrible. According to Forbes, Trump himself has noticed that the Common Core system is a “disaster.” He clearly has a plan for America and we expect to see new legislation soon to fix this disaster through making the system “local and all that.”

As president, Trump leads America into a new age of economic prosperity. America’s rich and beautiful will continue to prosper and there will soon be no more poverty, though the plan is still being hashed out. According to the United States Census, only a quarter of American youth are descended from immigrants. That means only a small number of America’s youth will need to be sent back to their native countries.

In the end, after having elected Trump, everyone is happy. America’s immigrants and their families will be able to return to their homeland and America will be great again.

Hillary Clinton by Lizbeth Trujillo

Hillary Clinton is a relatable president. She’s cool, hip, fun, original, and even takes public transportation such as the subway, just like you and me.

She’s also a president so who cares about her domestic and foreign policies. But really, she’s the first female president of the United States, and that’s all that should matter.

Not to mention, she’s really good at keeping things like e-mails secretive and hidden. After all, the concept of “not knowing” preserves the American tradition of guessing what the government is doing behind closed doors. The less we know, the better.

As she promised during her campaign, Clinton stands for what the general public supports, which is why she changes her mind so often. But that’s a good trait ni a president. What some would call wishy-washy is really flexibility. So we don’t know what her true stance is, the important thing is that she’s a woman and relatable.

Clinton is revolutionizing feminism as we speak because why shouldn’t a woman be considered a feminist if she is against abortion? Feminism is not about a woman’s right to choose so why does it matter? Let’s be inclusive here. Let’s include everyone. As long as everyone feels included and can relate to Clinton, why should anything else matter? Relatability is key. as a president. With relatability comes more support and with more support comes our first woman president’s successful term in the white house.

Clinton is so original that no other candidate can use Bill Clinton and Obama’s names to attract new Democratic support. Clinton has been Senator of New York, Secretary of State, and First Lady. There exists no more politically well-rounded president than her.

She also recently tried boba milk tea. What else could this country want?

Ted Cruz by Marina Souliman

Wake up, America, for this is the dawns of a new age. The age of Ted Cruz. The year is 2017 and Cruz might not “Make America Great Again,” but he is helping America “Cruz” to a better road of constitutional rights. Gun laws, that supposedly help decrease gun violence will no longer take over our Second Amendment right to self-defense. Each true American will exercise the right to bear arms despite the fact that they now have nothing to fear.

Donald Trump may have advocated for a wall on the border, but as president, Cruz finally made it. Not only did he build a wall between Mexico and the United States, but he also deported all undocumented immigrants. He promised to “reform legal immigration to protect American workers,” which means there are no longer immigrants and our economy has magically fixed itself as Americans are now taking back America.

With his repealing of “every single word of Obamacare,” Cruz has allowed for patients and doctors to have uninterrupted contact without government interruption, even if the patient cannot afford to get the medical help he or she needs.

Not only did he repeal Obamacare, but he also repealed so many unnecessary, frivolous programs and regulations that only harmed America. Cruz allowed us to realize that global warming was actually a joke with his assertion that there is no data that proves our poles are melting. Even though California is now underwater, it’s fine because there is no data that proves global warming is a legitimate fear America must address.

Under Cruz, America has become the land of economic growth. You could almost say that we’re killing the game.

Bernie Sanders by Jeet Rai

Under President Bernie Sanders’ rule, everyone has morphed into carbon replicas of extreme liberals. In fact, all traces of conservative ideology have ceased to exist and only radicalist ideas dominate society. As a product of our leader’s ambitions, think northern California’s hippie vibe, but multiply that by entire populations across 50 states, and you will have an accurate picture of Sanders’ presidency.

Indeed, as Sanders so proudly boasts, college tuition is now free and affordable. Critics are concerned, however. They wonder how the federal government will even subsist now that student loans are virtually nonexistent. They argue, as usual, that we need to think of the government’s best interests here.

Once Sanders passed his People Before Polluters campaign, he banned fossil fuel lobbyists from working in the White House, and he ended the huge subsidies that benefit fossil fuel companies.

Contrary to popular belief, Sanders cares only about the executive office being clear of corrupt business tycoons who profit from large corporations affiliated with faraway countries. It’s a new age for America

In Sanders’ push for medicare for all, regardless of income, he basically created an egalitarian society where everyone stands on a level playing field. The separation by social strata that has become so inherent in America’s domestic policies has practically disappeared.

Keep moving along… and Feel The Bern.

 

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